The Tuks FM Mettle Massacre

You better be there, the Tuks FM mettle massacre, brought to you by the authority of rock music. its going to be the biggest party this year ! as Michael bower would say "Praise the Loud"

Ten Tips for Better Sex

Most people make sex a casual thing and this often leads to it becoming a rather boring and robotic activity, have no fear because I have written a list of ten points that is guaranteed to improve your sex life.

1. Start early – sex doesn’t start when you get into bed, your chances of having sex is influenced throughout the day, so make him/her feel special throughout the day.
2. Pay attention to touch – the desirability of sexual touch is increased if there is a lot of touch happening all the time in a non sexual setting. E.G massaging her shoulders or feet during a movie or holding hands.
3. Look good – forget the whole “she’ll accept me however I look” thing, fact is you need to look good at all times if you want to get any.
4. Smell good – if you smell good she will want to get closer to you, there is nothing worse than someone who hasn’t at least put deo on.
5. Master the art of good conversation – when conversation stops people start to feel uncomfortable and bored, two things that do not promote getting intimate.
6. Share activities – if your partner wants to go somewhere or do something tag along this makes more time to talk and more opportunities to get intimate.
7. Make time for romance – having a set date even after a year of being together really heightens the likely hood of intimacy.
8. Be spontaneous – you can do this and still set dates, do things on the whim, go somewhere random, live out your fantasies where ever you are.
9. Take care of yourself – you can spot someone who is run down pretty easily, so get rest and stay fit, it also means you have more energy for intimacy.
10. Let go in bed – its meant to be an escape so let go of all your problems otherwise your stress will tense your muscles, not a good thing.

Fuck My Life Update

You have come to know and love the regular "Fuck my Life" feature on my shows, so I have decieded to make it a definate regular. here is your update

1. Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML

2. Today, I finally got Wii Fit to lose some weight. Came home and set it all up only to be told that I weigh too much to use the board. FML

3. Today, I returned home to find out that my new and very expensive computer had overheated. I confronted my mom, and she told me that she had covered up the fan because she didn't like the noise. FML

4. Today, I queued up for few hours in torrential rain to see the Harry Potter premiere. After just four hours sleep and waking at 3am, I fell asleep during film and missed the whole thing. FML

5. Today, I thought my boyfriend of 6 years was going to propose to me. We're high school sweethearts and he was my first. Just when he was looking into my eyes he says, “I’ve been seeing someone else for 2 years and I'm choosing her over you... it was a tough decision". FML

6. Today, I spent 3 hours looking at a youtube video for how to do rubik's cube. Even after being told how to do it, I couldn't finish it. I scroll down at the comments and read "Awesome! I'm 10 and can do it in 3 minutes now!". I'm 28 and still couldn't get it, even with a guide. FML

News of the Weird

News of the weird
Lots of weird things happen every day, I mean I’m a living example. The point is though that I have decided to shed some light into the dark world of the weird. So here are the headlines for 07.07.09
1. Jeffrey Salery, a 50-year-old inmate at John Latorraca Correctional Facility now faces battery charges for pummeling another inmate, who allegedly "disrespected" the King of Pop.

2. Guards become suspicious when 31 year old inmate at Howard county jail in America used huge amounts of toilet paper, suspecting dioreaha the guards thought nothing more of it until the inmate used the toilet paper as a wedge between his cell door, and he actually escaped.

3. Montana police caught up with Michael Dauwalder at a gas station after witnesses say he pulled into a parking lot and asked if anybody wanted to smoke dope. "I'm drunk as hell" the Montana man allegedly said before his blood alcohol level tested at .176, twice the state's legal limit.

4. Police say they arrested the pastor after finding 6.6 grams of crack in White's hotel room and 6.5 grams secreted in a body cavity -- and that would be taking the name of the drug just a little too literally.

5. The 34-year-old woman from Florida allegedly robbed a Wendy's over the weekend, and then got into a high speed chase on US-1, as her kid sat in the back.
6. When officers finally pulled Peters-Ortiz from the car, she was allegedly smoking cocaine. Hopefully, she'll learn that crime doesn't pay, especially when you can't find a baby sitter.

Excuses for getting out of a date !!

Inevitably the day will come when you are asked to go on a date by someone who you think is just plain nasty and well you will have to think up an excuse to get out of it. Personally I just say no, ‘cos that whole feelings thing doesn’t really mean all that much to me. Anyway here is the top ten most used excuses as found by an actual survey.
10. I`m washing my hair. (The lamest excuse there is but hey it works)9. My dog has been suffering from depression and I really think we need to spend some time together.8. I`m going to work abroad tomorrow but I`ll be back in six months why don`t I phone you then.7. My friend is going to be on Who Wants to be a Millionaire and I`m her phone a friend and you know what these shows are like they could ring at any time.6. I have work commitments for the next 3 months but I will give you a ring at the end of it.5. My mother is coming to stay for a few weeks so don`t phone me I`ll phone you.4. I think I'm coming down with a cold, and I don`t want to give you it. 3. My horoscopes says be wary of men ------- (make something up that sums him up) and that sounds like you so I think things are best left alone don`t you?2. The football season has just started I`ll call you after it has ended. 1. I don`t think I`m ready for dating just yet.

Fuck My Life

have you ever had one of those situations where you are like.. fuck my life ? well se all do so dont fell too bad, here are some examples :

· Today, I came home from work late (2:30am). As I snuck carefully into bed and laid down next to my sleeping future wife, my fiancee half awake said "No, no... Dan will be home soon." I am Dan. FML

· Today, I went into work and noticed on of my fellow colleagues had received a large bunch of flowers and where sitting on her desk. As soon as I saw her I immediately said "Happy Birthday!". Everyone went quiet. It wasn't her birthday, her father had died. FML

· Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes he did! He's lying I saw him drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

· Today, my dad asked me to move a potted plant from one side of the yard to the other. It looked like a very heavy pot, so I heaved it up with all my might. Turns out it was one of those heavy-looking ones that are actually light plastic. I fell over backwards and dumped dirt into my mouth. FML

· Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

· Today, I was on a roller coaster and this 13 year old sitting next to me was completely terrified. To cheer him up, I threw my hands in the air. While my hands were up, we hit a curve and I elbowed him in the face, making him cry. FML

I got a couple of responses on the sms line :

"May you please play me Attack by 30 Seconds To Mars for my F'd up life from Kaycee. " so during the TRT I phoned Kaycee and asked what made her morning fucked up, turns out "she" is a guy and I had called him sweetheart on the air. FML

Fantasy Rock Band

So tonight I ran a feature on a fantasy rock band, well because thats what us rock DJ's do, right after that I asked you guys for some comments or perhaps for you to give me your fantasy rock band. here is mine:

Fantasy Rock band
Vocalist: Corey Taylor (Slipknot)
Guitarist: Nuno Bettencourt (Extreme)
Drummer: Kate Schellenbach (Luscious Jackson; Beastie Boys)
Bassist: Flea (Red hot chillie peppers)
Rhythm Guitar: Stone Gossard (Pearl Jam)
Record label: Road Runner

Got a reponse from retief here his fantasy band is :

Retiefs Fantasy Rock band
vocals: Christina Scabbia(Lacuna Coil)
drums: Michael Bostaph(ex Slayer)
guitars: Bjorn Gellotte(In Flames) and Michael Amott(Arch Enemy)
Bassist is open for debate.